Learning to Feel Nothing

The feeling of not feeling anything anymore… It’s like trying to drink water, but there’s none left in the bottle. Or wanting the last slice of pizza, only to realize you already ate it.

I’m in that stage right now. I don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t love anymore. But I also don’t feel sadness. It’s not even nostalgia — my brain has erased a lot of things because of trauma.

And I keep wondering… is this okay? Is it okay not to feel anything at all?

Honestly, this is what I worked toward for a long time. I wanted to stop feeling hurt. And now I’ve achieved it. But I’ve realized something — it’s good not to feel pain, yet it’s terrifying to think you might never love again.

I’m sad in many ways. Mentally sad. My heart feels full, though. It’s resting. Thankfully. It’s still alive — just quiet.

Sometimes I get sad thinking about how much I endured. How much pain I went through. And how I went through it alone.

Life is strange in so many ways. I’m tired of the chaos. I choose a life of peace. I choose wisdom, happiness, calmness, and balance.